Total Brokenness

This past week has been so hard for me. I have not been able to focus on anything but Chris. As of today we have officially broken up. But we both agree that it is whats best for right now. We hope that in the future when we have both had time to grow up that we will get back together but for now we are friends and that is all. It has by far been one of the hardest things I have had to do. But I have faith that if this is the one that God has for me He will bring us back together. My prayer now is that God works in both our lives as we go one to live each day. That he will show us His plan for our lives and help us both to grow closer to him. So keep us both in your prayers. I know I have to remember that his plan is way better than mine, and it will be worth whateve he gives me.

Stronger For It

"Make me blind that I might see, make me weak that I may praise you from my knees, let me hunger, let me thirst until your word is all I need. For when I am weak, I am stronger for it"

These word have been in my mind for quite a while. I first heard this song at church. I began to cry. It is so true. I love this song. Right now in my life I am going through a very big trial of faith and trust and everything in between, it is like God is teaching me something but I cant quite grasp it. Last night Chris and i got in a big fight, we pretty much broke up, but not really ( if that makes sense) I am very confused about alot of things. My faith is always been average, but now I feel like I must not have strong enough faith. But I am so crushed and all I want to do is cry until I can not cry any more. It was only last night and I miss him already. Yes there are some issues that need to be fixed on his end and mine. I am willing to work on those, but I am not sure if he is. He was so angry last night. I was too, but after I was I just cried. I didn't sleep, and I haven't really eaten to speak of. A little here and there, but that's it. I want to make this work but I just don't think I can. Please I need your prayers as I am going through this hard time in my life. Where I am learning that I am weak and I need to trust God with my everything. Because when I am weak, I am stronger for it.

Well...lets see...

Its been a couple days since I wrote anything. But since then I have been doing alot. I have been helping my parents tear down the house. I also have been having some health issues... since the flood I have had some stomach problems and I had already went to the doctor and he could not find anything wrong so he gave me some medicine that he said should help. Well it hasnt. The past couple nights I have not been able to sleep very well. I will just wake up and toss and turn the whole night. Which is rather annoying after a long day! While I was at camp I fell and re injured my left knee. So it is swollen and I am having to wear my brace on it. So if ya'll could keep my in your prayers as well as my family, it would be so appreciated.

More demolition!

Today we took more walls down in the breakfast room. I was so scared that there would be a dead rat carcase in the wall!! I closed my eyes until dad said it was safe, but I knew he wanted to scare me! I told him to please don't! It was fun, I dropped a piece of wood on my foot and it hurts real bad. So I went back to work today after my week off, it was crazy as usual, we had to get all the back stock room organized and ready for our district manager's visit. They are getting very stressed there, but it dont really bother me. Well ok it kinda bothers me because they will sometimes take it out on you! But thats ok. Camp was incredible!! God taught me so much this past week and allowed me to meet some great people and make some lifelong friends (hopefully!) But now I am in a place in life where I need to make some more decisions which I just dont like very much. But God is good and He will help me.

FUN, FUN, FUN

So I got back yesterday from camp. I had so much fun. I met some new people and got closer with some of the people I already knew. My counselor was Jacqi ( bottom right) and I met Chelsea (top left) and Danielle (top right), Emily (bottom left) and I got alot closer and are real good friends now. All and all and was a very good week, I learned alot about myself and God taught me alot of things this week. I was very sad to say goodbye to my new friends and because it was last year to be able to go. But I will definitely keep in touch with those two awesome girls I met!!!

Fun Stuff

Well on Saturday I got to use all of dad's cool tools he has! I helped my dad put up some of the siding on our shed. He let me use the table saw and the nail gun! It was so much fun.

I'm leaving on a jetplane, dont know when I will be back again.......

Ok, well I am not exactly leaving on a jetplane and I do know when I will be back. I am going on a bus, I will be back on Saturday. I leave today for my last year of church camp. Its exciting and kinda sad. I cant go back as a camper because I will be to old. Its always hard for me to pack for long trips because I want to take like everything because you just never know whats going to happen. I could get real gross and want to change clothes or maybe someone might need an outfit, so like I said you just never know. But I tried to downsize, a little. I dont know how succesful I will be, guess we will see.

Funny quote

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen

I thought that this was funny!

A Blessing!

Money has been really tight for me the past couple days. After graduation I had all my graduation money and then my paychecks and my savings so I had alot of money when you added it all up. But then I would spend my paychecks and sometimes tap into my grad money for things. Well then I just began spending it without thinking about it. And my bank will not allow me to go below $200.00 at anytime in the month or they will charge me a fee. So it got t o where my hours kinda dropped and then the money quit coming in and all I had was my grad money so I spent that. Now I am struggling trying to keep the amount needed in my account so I told everyone that I had no more money to spend. Well I am going to church camp on Monday and I still need some things and money to take with me. I didn't know how I was going to do it.

Well last night at church i got stopped by one of the ladies that we know. she handed me a card and I said thank you. I opened it when I got home and I just couldn't believe it. There in front of me was $25.00. I just said thanks God! Today I got another card in the mail from someone else and I opened it and out fell a check for $20.00! I was so excited! I thought wow now I can get what I need for camp and still be able to take money with me!

It was such a blessing to see God provide my need when it was needed!

Exhuastion

This past week I have just been so tired all the time. I haven't been able to sleep through the night and I have been hurting alot lately, probably because of all the exercising I have been doing with the house work and all. I had to be at work at 6 in the morning the past couple of days which meant that I had not been able to sleep and then be up at 5 or 5:30 to get ready for work. But today I don't have to be there until 2 this afternoon which was really good. Chris brought me home from church last night and the first thing I did was go to my room and get ready for bed. I was sooo tired I went to sleep at 9:15 and slept solid till about 6:30 this morning. But I didn't get out of the bed till like 8:30. LOL, I just didn't want to get up. I like being in my bed. I feel much better now that I got some sleep. I will be more happy about actually doing things today. I also took my shot and when it kicks in I will be even more better!