Homesick

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye And in Christ, there is no end So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have To see you again To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now


WOW! what a song, I have always loved this song. Today as I am sitting here at the computer and pondering over my life and things that occur and happen, this song came on the radio. Just this morning we heard that my Great Aunt Betty passed away last night. She was very old and was very special to my family. She will be greatly missed and was greatly loved. But I do know that she was saved and I will see her one day again in Heaven. Praise God I know that much :) That does bring a smile to my face.

Knowing that one day I will be in Heaven and there will be no pain, THANK GOD!!!, and I will see all the loved ones that have gone on to be with the Lord, give me hope. I cant wait till the day when God will wipe away all my tears and I no longer live in pain from a day to day bases, that is exciting in itself.

Priceless :))

Sheetrock-$12 a sheet, Mudd-$10 a box, Paint-$25 a gallon........The look on moms face when she found her switch plates- Priceless!!!!

Today we ventured out into our shed to look for my shoes and moms switch plates. We finally finished a room and some walls in the hallway and mom decided that she wanted her switch plates to put up. She has been looking, but to no avail. Today, we found them =) It was so much fun to find stuff that we have been looking for. I was very excited to find my shoes fro winter. It is getting cold and when we packed the house I packed my winter stuff. Now that it is cold, I really need them!!!! I have the most awesome boots and was dying to wear them, now I can!!! I am just so excited!!!! Today was a mission accomplished!!! We found what we were looking for. And hey, I get to move out of the living room this weekend!!! SWEETT!!!!!!

Learning how to bend...

There is this country song by Gary Allen called "Learning How to Bend" That is what I am learning these days. Learning how to grow up and be a better person, learning to deal with what life throws at me. Here lately that has been really challenging.

I like to often read books that give me insight. I recently found one on how guys think. Well it is more like what they want to find in a girl. It is called "Guys like girls who....." By Chad Eastham. I finished it today, it was a very good book. I learned alot in this one book. I have often had trouble with the whole relationship thing. I have said it before but I have a problem with the fear of losing the man in my life. One chapter talks about how the guy wants to be left alone sometimes and that is an issue I have met face to face. He says that the girl will often spend most her time thinking bout the guy and then when the guy doesn't spend most his time thinking bout her she gets upset. This does not actually mean that they guy doesn't like the girl any more (who would have thunk it??) Due to the fact that guys brains are like waffles and girls brains are like spaghetti (you just have to read this book) it only really means that the guy can only really focus on one thing at a time. See me for example, I can be thinking about 20 different things at one time and still be able to hold a conversation, Todd not so much! LOL he can only focus on one thing at a time. Which I find just completely amazing. And of course he finds it amazing that I can focus on more than one thing.

As I was reading this book I would come across something that the author said and would either text or call Todd and ask him if that something was really true. And of course he would say yes. Every time I would mention something about this book he would laugh and ask if there was a book about what girls want in a guy....I found that quite funny. But really this book had just caught my eye and I had to read it. It has been one of the best books that I have read on dating. Learning that a guy wants a girl that is comfortable being who she is and not trying to be someone else. Or a girl that is healthy and not afraid to say NO.

Also learning the difference between a "healthy guy" and an "unhealthy guy" was very enlightening. While reading about the difference in a healthy guy and an unhealthy guy I have been able to realize I have dated both and I am so glad I have a healthy guy now =) I know that reading this book will help me and Todd in our relationship.

I would definitely recommend this book to everyone one I know!!! I am gonna share it with all of my friends and maybe they too will find what I have found.

Well to continue on the learning how to bend thing, not only have I been learning in my relationships but also in my life in general. Learning to go with the flow and do what is required of me, not because I want to to but because it is necessary. Just because we want what we want as human beings doesn't give us the right to get what we want. We must learn how to bend even when we don't want to.

Strong cookie???

I have always told people that I was a strong cookie....I thought I was tough and able to handle anything that was thrown my way. Well these days I am not so tough. This cookie is crumbling. It has been very hard dealing with the arthritis and the back pain and all the other stuff in my life. I am trying to trust that God has a plan and he will work it out but it is harder than it seems, when you feel so bad all the time and I wonder why I have to go through this at this point in my life. Now that I don't think I am so tough anymore, I have people tell me "you will be ok, you are a tough cookie" I always smile and say I sure hope so. My prayer is that this can be fixed without surgery. I do know this, I am not alone. I have my family and Todd there with me, and most of all...I have God. I know that they will be there encouraging me.

Stronger for it...........I think????

Ever thought that you pretty much had about all you could take and that nothing else go wrong in your life??? well I think we have all been there.....as a matter of fact I am there. I have been struggling with my arthritis for four years now and then school, graduation, flood, and now the process of rebuilding and more school ( just harder) and some other things that I have been struggling with has all been a little bit of a challenge. Well to make it all a little bit more fun, almost two weeks ago on Sunday my leg began to hurt, I thought it as nothing but everyday instead of getting better it got worse. I went to the doctor on Wednesday of that week and she thought it could be nerve related so she wanted me to do and MRI on the following Monday. She gave me crutches to walk with cuz I could barely walk on my left foot at all. I was so worried but I kept praying and having faith it would get better. Well my parents went out of town and my friend Shawna was staying with me and we went and did some stuff that weekend and I was feeling bad on Sunday so I tried to call in to work and not go but they were insisting that I come in. Well I called my nurse and talked to her about how it was doing and told her that at times it was turning purple and she told me I needed to go to the ER. So I hobbled to where Shawna was and told her we had to go to the ER. So we headed to the hospital. I called my parents and told them and called mu uncle to come up there with me. As I was in the ER I was worried and scared and didn't know what to think. The did x-rays and an ultrasound and still couldn't find why my whole leg hurt form my foot to my back. They gave me medicine and sent me home. I proceeded with my MRI on Monday and was doing a little better, well I could walk without my crutches. I went out with Todd and met his dad, went to school the next day and was ok. I decided that I would call yesterday and see if they had the results yet. They did.

I have a protruding disk in my lower back which was causing pressure and the pain. All I could do was sit there and cry. I don't need this I have enough issues is all I could say. This sudden feeling of fear and some anxiety came over me and I couldn't stop crying. I have and appointment with a Neurosurgeon this coming Tuesday and we will see what they say. I am very scared of the whole idea of surgery. But I know my God is bigger and he will give me strength. I just need prayer. I will make it through.