Homesick

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye And in Christ, there is no end So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have To see you again To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now


WOW! what a song, I have always loved this song. Today as I am sitting here at the computer and pondering over my life and things that occur and happen, this song came on the radio. Just this morning we heard that my Great Aunt Betty passed away last night. She was very old and was very special to my family. She will be greatly missed and was greatly loved. But I do know that she was saved and I will see her one day again in Heaven. Praise God I know that much :) That does bring a smile to my face.

Knowing that one day I will be in Heaven and there will be no pain, THANK GOD!!!, and I will see all the loved ones that have gone on to be with the Lord, give me hope. I cant wait till the day when God will wipe away all my tears and I no longer live in pain from a day to day bases, that is exciting in itself.

Priceless :))

Sheetrock-$12 a sheet, Mudd-$10 a box, Paint-$25 a gallon........The look on moms face when she found her switch plates- Priceless!!!!

Today we ventured out into our shed to look for my shoes and moms switch plates. We finally finished a room and some walls in the hallway and mom decided that she wanted her switch plates to put up. She has been looking, but to no avail. Today, we found them =) It was so much fun to find stuff that we have been looking for. I was very excited to find my shoes fro winter. It is getting cold and when we packed the house I packed my winter stuff. Now that it is cold, I really need them!!!! I have the most awesome boots and was dying to wear them, now I can!!! I am just so excited!!!! Today was a mission accomplished!!! We found what we were looking for. And hey, I get to move out of the living room this weekend!!! SWEETT!!!!!!

Learning how to bend...

There is this country song by Gary Allen called "Learning How to Bend" That is what I am learning these days. Learning how to grow up and be a better person, learning to deal with what life throws at me. Here lately that has been really challenging.

I like to often read books that give me insight. I recently found one on how guys think. Well it is more like what they want to find in a girl. It is called "Guys like girls who....." By Chad Eastham. I finished it today, it was a very good book. I learned alot in this one book. I have often had trouble with the whole relationship thing. I have said it before but I have a problem with the fear of losing the man in my life. One chapter talks about how the guy wants to be left alone sometimes and that is an issue I have met face to face. He says that the girl will often spend most her time thinking bout the guy and then when the guy doesn't spend most his time thinking bout her she gets upset. This does not actually mean that they guy doesn't like the girl any more (who would have thunk it??) Due to the fact that guys brains are like waffles and girls brains are like spaghetti (you just have to read this book) it only really means that the guy can only really focus on one thing at a time. See me for example, I can be thinking about 20 different things at one time and still be able to hold a conversation, Todd not so much! LOL he can only focus on one thing at a time. Which I find just completely amazing. And of course he finds it amazing that I can focus on more than one thing.

As I was reading this book I would come across something that the author said and would either text or call Todd and ask him if that something was really true. And of course he would say yes. Every time I would mention something about this book he would laugh and ask if there was a book about what girls want in a guy....I found that quite funny. But really this book had just caught my eye and I had to read it. It has been one of the best books that I have read on dating. Learning that a guy wants a girl that is comfortable being who she is and not trying to be someone else. Or a girl that is healthy and not afraid to say NO.

Also learning the difference between a "healthy guy" and an "unhealthy guy" was very enlightening. While reading about the difference in a healthy guy and an unhealthy guy I have been able to realize I have dated both and I am so glad I have a healthy guy now =) I know that reading this book will help me and Todd in our relationship.

I would definitely recommend this book to everyone one I know!!! I am gonna share it with all of my friends and maybe they too will find what I have found.

Well to continue on the learning how to bend thing, not only have I been learning in my relationships but also in my life in general. Learning to go with the flow and do what is required of me, not because I want to to but because it is necessary. Just because we want what we want as human beings doesn't give us the right to get what we want. We must learn how to bend even when we don't want to.

Strong cookie???

I have always told people that I was a strong cookie....I thought I was tough and able to handle anything that was thrown my way. Well these days I am not so tough. This cookie is crumbling. It has been very hard dealing with the arthritis and the back pain and all the other stuff in my life. I am trying to trust that God has a plan and he will work it out but it is harder than it seems, when you feel so bad all the time and I wonder why I have to go through this at this point in my life. Now that I don't think I am so tough anymore, I have people tell me "you will be ok, you are a tough cookie" I always smile and say I sure hope so. My prayer is that this can be fixed without surgery. I do know this, I am not alone. I have my family and Todd there with me, and most of all...I have God. I know that they will be there encouraging me.

Stronger for it...........I think????

Ever thought that you pretty much had about all you could take and that nothing else go wrong in your life??? well I think we have all been there.....as a matter of fact I am there. I have been struggling with my arthritis for four years now and then school, graduation, flood, and now the process of rebuilding and more school ( just harder) and some other things that I have been struggling with has all been a little bit of a challenge. Well to make it all a little bit more fun, almost two weeks ago on Sunday my leg began to hurt, I thought it as nothing but everyday instead of getting better it got worse. I went to the doctor on Wednesday of that week and she thought it could be nerve related so she wanted me to do and MRI on the following Monday. She gave me crutches to walk with cuz I could barely walk on my left foot at all. I was so worried but I kept praying and having faith it would get better. Well my parents went out of town and my friend Shawna was staying with me and we went and did some stuff that weekend and I was feeling bad on Sunday so I tried to call in to work and not go but they were insisting that I come in. Well I called my nurse and talked to her about how it was doing and told her that at times it was turning purple and she told me I needed to go to the ER. So I hobbled to where Shawna was and told her we had to go to the ER. So we headed to the hospital. I called my parents and told them and called mu uncle to come up there with me. As I was in the ER I was worried and scared and didn't know what to think. The did x-rays and an ultrasound and still couldn't find why my whole leg hurt form my foot to my back. They gave me medicine and sent me home. I proceeded with my MRI on Monday and was doing a little better, well I could walk without my crutches. I went out with Todd and met his dad, went to school the next day and was ok. I decided that I would call yesterday and see if they had the results yet. They did.

I have a protruding disk in my lower back which was causing pressure and the pain. All I could do was sit there and cry. I don't need this I have enough issues is all I could say. This sudden feeling of fear and some anxiety came over me and I couldn't stop crying. I have and appointment with a Neurosurgeon this coming Tuesday and we will see what they say. I am very scared of the whole idea of surgery. But I know my God is bigger and he will give me strength. I just need prayer. I will make it through.

YAY and NAY

Well we found out this past week or so that Todd will not be going to Iraq...(that's the YAY) But my brother is in Afghanistan...(that's the NAY) When he told us he was leaving I was very sad but then they kept delaying his leaving so I was thinking maybe they will cancel his deployment. But this past Monday he flew out, I found out and I just wanted to cry, I mean its my brother out there fighting for my freedom. I had to take a moment to pray and regroup.

Sometimes I wonder why people always want to go to war. Its always the civilians that want us to go to war, they don't understand the impact that war has on the families of the guys that are over there. They leave their comfort zone and go fight for them and some of them just don't even care, they are not even grateful. Me, coming from a military family and my brother and boyfriend in the military, want to tell these people to get a grip and I want them to see how hard it is. If they could walk in my sister-in-laws shoes or mine or my moms and see how hard it is on the families they would not be screaming for us to go to war, instead they would be begging for us NOT to go. But of course I cant make them understand because well they just wont.

I don't know what brought that thought on but it is always on my mind. I am very thankful that they serve to protect my freedoms. Todd, Robert, and my dad are all my heroes, I love them all and pray with all my heart that Robert comes home to his wife and son. But I am thankful that Todd is not going anywhere, and dad, well dad is retired so he ain't going anywhere either :)

Well that was my thought for today, I am going to bed now.

Been there...Done that...Got the t-shirt

I love that saying..."been there...done that.....got the t-shirt" I have many times said that in my few years of life. Well yesterday my good friend I graduated high school with text me and told me that her boyfriend of the past 7 months broke up with her. I was so incredibly shocked!!!! If you knew my friend you would understand why it was soooo shocking. She has not been the one to hold a relationship for that amount of time. I really thought that she had found some one that really was good for her.

She was soo happy and I loved seeing her like that. The joy that was in her cuz she was just so happy. And to get that text my heart just dropped into my stomach. I stopped and then began to text her back. I asked her what happened and she explained what he said and then asked me to call him and ask him what was going on. I told her of course I would. So I did. He didn't answer but he did call me back and I talked to him for a good 20 minutes. He told me that he felt like this was what God wanted for his life and it was very hard for him. He felt like he was pretending to love her and just didn't feel right. I talked to him about it and I told him that I knew how he felt. I have "been there...done that.." After I hung up with him I just sat in the jeep in the parking lot and began to cry. Not for me but because I knew this was going to be hard to be her friend because I know how she feels and how he feels. I have been in both there shoes. I didn't know what I was going to tell her, I mean I am her friend and I know what she wants me to say but I know its not what she needed to hear. I knew that I needed to be what she needed not what she wanted.

I prayed and texted her back and she immediately called me. I was nervous....She asked what he said. I began with the conversation saying that I am not going to say what she wanted me to say but what she needed. I told her what he said and his side of the story. Before she could say anything i kept talking. I began to explain to her that I know where he is coming form and where she is coming from. I encouraged her the best I knew how and was in prayer the whole time. She accepted it quite well. I explained to her that God puts us through trials to sometimes teach us things. When we don't learn those things he will keep putting us through them until we learn our lesson. I personally know how that goes, "been there...done that.." "still there...still doing that.."

Some days I often sit and think about my life and the things that God has let me go through. I have lived with arthritis now for five years. That in itself is a struggle, and constant battle. I am so thankful that God has brought me through what he has and made me who I am today. The past year or so has been very difficult for me not only spiritually but emotionally and physically. Four days after my high school graduation (five months ago) my house flooded and God brought another trial of faith into my life. There have been many days when the stress and anxiety of having a disaster zone for your home gets to you. the place you call home is supposed to be a place you want to go when you want to get away from the world. Not me, when I want to get away from the world home is the last place I want to go. It has been a journey that I some days hope ends very soon but is still going on day by day by day. And day by day I am learning something new, how to trust and have faith, love people no matter what. Give even when no gives to you.

I have had my selfish moments when I think to myself, "why help them, they don't help me?" But then... I think bout the times when I have helped people and feel so much better. Like yesterday. I didn't have to stay on the phone with Candace for an hour, I didn't have to encourage her or stop and pray with her, giver her verses to read that will help her. I didn't have to. But I felt so much better after I did. Often times when we don't want to give but we do it anyway we get so much more in return than we could ever imagine. I was on an emotional high after I got off the phone with her. i felt like God really used me in her life.

Looking back on my life and what I have been through, I am grateful that God did what he did in my life so that I was able to help someone else through there struggle..because, "been there...done that...got the t-shirt..."

Happiness is the best medicine (at least to me)

OK so its been a couple months I think since Todd and I have been dating. I say I think because I just have not been keeping count. I figured the last two times I had a boyfriend I did and it didn't last very long...so I thought I should change some things. My life has been very chaotic since last May and with everything that has been going on I have been having some battles in my life. Not only physical struggles but emotional struggles and spiritual struggles. I have always wanted a man that would go to church with me not because I wanted him to go but because he wanted to go. I want a man that I can have talks about Bible stuff with and wont turn his nose up at it. Well when Todd and I had just started talking he brought the subject of church up and asked if I went to church, I said yes and told him where I went. We were just friends and he would go when he was able to, which is due to his funky work schedule.

Well when we actually started becoming interested in each other he wanted to go to church with me. He would go with me when he was not at work to begin with. Well he begin to slip and he begin to hit and miss. So I thought to myself " here we go again just another guy that was going cuz I wanted him to." I started e-mailing his mother and we talked about some things and she was so glad that he was in church still and I thought to myself that he only goes every now and then. I didn't want to tell her that though so I just kept my mouth shut. He went home in September for his brothers wedding and of course went with his family. Well after he came home his mom started calling me. she asked me the other day when she called me if he was going to church and that she was worried that he wasn't going to go any more, I just sat for a sec and thought to myself. I then told her that I was too, but all I can do is pray that God will work in his heart and he will want to go back to church. She agreed with me and that was the end of that conversation.

My heart has been heavy for alot of things. I know that I am not perfect but God loves me any way. I know I have made some really bad choices and the past year and regret every one of them. I have done some things that I never thought in my wildest dreams I would have done. I have asked for forgiveness over and over again. I know that God casts our sins as far as the east is from the west but I just some how don't know how he could forgive me when I still feel so bad about it. This is where that spiritual battle comes in. I have issues with having faith and trust. Trust is a hard thing for me when I have been lied to over and over by people that I trusted with my life and heart. Faith comes into play when I have no one to turn to when I need them and having to have faith that God is going to be there for me. He hasn't failed me yet. But still sometimes there is always that underlying doubt that he will, even though I know he will not.

I guess trusting and having faith go hand in hand. well anyway back to Todd :) he has been soo good to me. He has been the one person that I have been able to trust. (still hard even though I do trust him) I have had issues with trust in the past two relationships. And he has taught me that no matter what I think in my head that he will still be there. I have this problem that when they don't call I think that they don't like me or something and I have been trying to learn that that may not always be the case. He has been very helpful in that venture. I have gotten so much better. I believe that right now in my life he has been my angel. He has in my eyes saved me from so many things that I could have done and from who I could have been. If not for him I would still be in a relationship that would have gotten me nowhere in life. He gave me the strength to walk away and never look back, and for that I will always be grateful.

But needless to say I always here people say that "laughter is the best medicine." Well in my opinion "happiness is the best medicine." Because right now I am happy, I still have my battles I must fight but I am happy with what God has given me.

Its my party and I will cry if I want to!!!!

Well tomorrow is my birthday, Big 19. I am soo very excited, some people dont get excited when its there birthday, but me on the other hand, I always get excited when this day comes. I guess cuz it can be all about me all day long!!! Thats awesome LOL. Well since tomorrow is Todds work weekend and he cant take me tomorrow night we are going out tonight. He is taking me to my favorite restaurant in the world, Olive Garden. Then we are gonna go see a movie. I wanted t o get all dolled up cuz he has never seen me dressed up before so I thought what a perfect night for him to see. I went and bought a new dress and new shoes, my present to myself, and went and got my nails done and am doing my hair really pretty. I hope we have a blast!!!

Well since it turned out that I have to work tomorrow night as well my parents decided that they would take me out to lunch on Sunday and invited some other people to come as well. I am very excited about this weekend!!!

Oh my,my my.......

Well lets see, since I wrecked my car the insurance decided to total it, which is a big BUMMER!!!!!!! I am now car less again and will be for a very long time. I don't have the money to buy another car or can even think about buying another car. I am upside down on my loan I had taken out so now I have to pay that off. I have debt to my parents that I must pay off....OH yeah I almost forgot the speeding ticket and school costs!!! I have come up with a payment plan but I don't know how well that will work. I started a new job this week. I am now working at the Bx on the Air Force Base here in town. I am liking it so far. It is much better than my other job that's for sure. Its much more convenient for me at this point in life. It is right down the street from school and across the street from Todd. So it all works perfectly. Hopefully and prayerfully I will be able to get out of this debt I am in and be able to spend money..... I miss spending money :(

Todd and I are officially dating!!! I love to be able to say he is my boyfriend!!! He makes me sooo happy I can't even explain how much. The fact that I don't feel like I have to work at keeping him is wonderful. Even sometimes I still have that fear that the smallest mistake will drive him away but I must keep reassuring myself that it wont. I can be "me" around him and all he will do is smile and laugh at the stupid little things I do. Or he will just call me a dork. This week he is home in South Carolina :( I really wish I could have gone with him but due to my new job and school, and that speeding ticket I mentioned earlier, I couldn't go. I was very sad that he is going to be gone a whole week but he planned this trip before he met me so I can't complain. I just hope he has fun with his family, and misses me :) He is still supposed to be going to Iraq in December of this year, but you never know with the military. They change their mind all the time. But we as a couple are doing great. We couldn't be happier!!!!

School is going good. I took my first quiz last Friday and my first math test today. We will see how they turned out sometime this week. I hope I did good!! I haven't fallen down any more stairs lately, I hold onto the rails now!! It has been a little challenging getting back and forth from school and home and work but we are making it work. I have Todd who sometimes brings me home or we will just hang in between classes or between class and work. Which makes getting around much easier. I have been walking a lot lately though.

Well I have had a very busy day and another very busy day ahead of me tomorrow. i have to work go to school and go back to work. Sounds fun doesn't it??

Two weeks....

Ok so two weeks ago I finally got another car. I was so excited. Well the top left picture was when I got it. The other ones...are when I wrecked it on Saturday. I was very sad. I was on my way to work that afternoon when there was another wreck past the light I was stopped at. I did not know that there was another wreck. I just though traffic was bad. But the lady in front of me had stopped so I stopped, well she let go of her breaks and began to move forward. I let go of the clutch and gave it some gas and she hit her breaks I slammed on mine and next thing I know I had hit her. I was in total shock. I WAS SO SCARED. I was shaking and in a little bit of a panic. I got out and looked at the damage. I wanted to cry but then I knew I shouldnt so I held it in. The lady asked if we call the cops I said "yeah, but I am calling my dad first" I called dad and thankfully he was down the road on his way to Lowes. He said he was on his way so I got back in the car and sat there. Then I realized I needed to call work and tell them what happened, so I was standing by the car on the phone with work when I turned around and saw my uncle, I completely lost it. I began to cry and couldn't stop. I asked him where dad was and he was right behind me. The cops got there and we moved the cars out of the road and they did the report and all that stuff.

After I calmed down and collected myself I decided I should go to work. I did but it was a long night. I was in alot of pain from my neck and was just very sad. I called mom and told her my neck hurt and she told me to take Tylenol and try to hold off till Monday when we could go to t he doct. Well I tried, I was supposed to go back to work on Sunday Morning but I called a friend and asked her to go in for me cuz I hadn't slept cuz I couldn't get comfortable. I told my mom I couldnt go to work and she began to try to get me into the doctor. It took awhile and finally I went to the ER. I was there till 1:00 in the afternoon. That was the first time I went to the ER and hopefully the last. It was a very long day.

Today I went to class and took the car to a body shop for the insurance adjuster to look at it and hopefully get it fixed. It will take a while because I dont have the money to fix it right now and have many other things to pay for as well. Prayerfully I can get all this stuff done soon.

Second day (9-5-08)

Ok so yesterday was my second day of school and it went well until I left for my math class. I was walking to the stairs and my phone had a text from Candace so I slid the phone open and as I stepped on the top step my feet came out from under me!!!! I then bounced down the stairs.. my shoe came off and went down the stairs and so did the phone!!!! I tried to catch myself but there was nothing to grab onto. So I fell. When I got to the bottom I looked around and thought to myself...."OH My I am soooo glad no one saw that!!!" LOL My second day of college and I fall down the stairs, I though I was done falling down stairs when I was like 15. Oh well needless to say it really hurt. I twisted my ankle and hurt my back and my butt. Today I am very sore and good thing its Saturday!!! My phone is messed up I think cuz now it is doing weird things, but I have insurance on it!!!!

The journey that never ends....

Ok so most kids think that when they graduate high school that they are done with school and that they never use those skills again.....WRONG!!!!!! Today I started my first day of college, it wasnt a full day because that will be tomorrow...... But still as I was sitting in class he would put a problem on the board and talk his way through the problem, well about halfway through his speech, I was already done with the problem and was sitting there prying I had the right answer! I was right on all of them except two, which I think is pretty good for a first time college student.

I want to just take a moment to thank all those for getting me where I am. Mom, it was really weird to be in class without you! LOL. You have been my teacher from day one and now I am all grown up and you were not there. It was very weird. But if it were not for you I would have never been able to do those problems, Heck I wouldnt even be in college. You have been such an inspiration to me all through my life and I hope that one day I will be as good as a mom as you have been to me and my brothers. Life has not been easy but you have been there through each and every day of my life even when you think you have failed that is when you have succeded the most in my eyes. I love you more than anything in the world.

Dad, you are by far the most awesome dad anybody could ask for. You have also been there from day one, paying for anything I needed for school all the way up to graduation, and even now sometimes LOL. I know that sometimes you feel like you have not been the best dad ever but I want to tell you that you have done a great job. If I needed help in anything you have been there and always give me good Godly counsel and that is what makes you the best. I love you dad and never think for one second that you are a failure cuz that is the last thing you could ever be.

Dan and Rob, I love you guys. I couldnt have asked for better brothers! You have been there when I needed someone to talk to. Even if it was one in the morning. You have encouraged me and pushed me to strive and helped me make the right decisions, that I will love you always for!

Friends, you are the bomb! I love all of you and thanks for helping me get to where I am. We are all on a journey and mine is about to take a turn and I think it is for the best. I thank each one of you for making my never ending journey fun and enjoyable.

today I am a new college student, I have a new car and a guy that is incredibly awesome, I know I said that bout the last one but I really mean it this time, I know he would give the world to me if I asked. So now as I go on my journey I will keep you posted how it goes!!!

North Carolina

I am here in North Carolina with my brother and his family. Having a blast!!!!! Aaron is so big...and soooo cute!!!!! It was a long 20 hour drive here in the extended cab of the F150. It was a very cramped ride, we left at 4:30 in the morning on Friday and didnt get to our hotel in North Carolina until about 1:30 Saturday morning. We didnt stop because we were towing a truck here to give my brother our old green truck, you know now that we have three new vehicles :) Well going to go chill with the family.....

Totally excited!!!

Ok so tomorrow morning I am leaving at an ungodly hour to go see my nephew for his first bday!!! I am so excited to get to see him and my brother and Gabrielle. The only sad thing is I am going to be gone for five days, and will miss Todd very much but thank goodness we have cell phones!!! ;) what would we doe without them!!!! It has been a rough week though, with trying to get some stuff done on the house before we leave and trying to get some sleep (which is hard to do around here) and having to work every day this week at 6am to 1 pm. That was a rough schedule!!! I was so tired every morning, I did have a pick me up when Todd brought me breakfast the other day at work. That was so sweet of him. Speaking of Todd, he has been so great he comes over and helps with the house and is always there when I need him to be.... its so nice after all I have been through to have someone there when I need them.

I also got back in touch with an old friend of mine from way back when and its been really awesome to talk to her every day and catch back up on life with her and her family. God has been so good lately to me and my family. I also got another car last week which is very exciting!!!!! I have been car less since the flood and having to juggle cars with my parents and that has been a challenge but now we dont have to anymore!!!

I start my first week of college when I get back from North Carolina, I am half excited and half nervous...LOL I have never been to a class where you get lectured...Its gonna be an experience thats all I can say!! My friends I graduate with have all started school and I am the last one to start so I have been hearing stories from them all week. Which doesnt get me excited.... oh well I must go to school so wish me luck!!!!

Now I must go get ready to leave ad spend time with Todd and some other friends before I leave!!!

OH RATS!!!!!

Well I dont like rats to begin with and the other night I had an encounter with one....at 12:30 at night!!!! It was very scary I was just layin on my airmattress and heard a noise got up to see what it was and oh my a rat goes running across the floor!!!!!! I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran to my parents!!! It was an experience I pray that NEVER happens again. So needless to say i didnt sleep in there that night, Dad did and I slept with mom. LOL

Not so good....

So yesterday was good, today, not so muchy. I started off almost late to work, only cuz I had to be there at 6am. Then I had a job interview at two...I got off at 1. My boss wanted to keep me later but I told him I really needed to leave on time, I left a little later than i wanted but thats ok, I got pulled over for the 4th time on my way to my interview :( thankfully i didn't get another ticket, I did my interview, which went well and got some cookies from Todd :) Then on my way home some guy almost rear ended me because traffic came to a dead halt. Oh while I was on base, I dropped my phone on the concrete and broke one of my buttons off and had to put it back on, good thing i have insurance on that thing! So today was just not my day. I am glad its almost over. Maybe tomorrow wont be so bad LOL

I cant beleive it!!

I just couldn't believe my morning, I got up and decided I should really call about my ticket that I had gotten a few weeks ago and I was totally expecting it to be very expensive but it turns out it was only $188 plus my court fees that I have to pay. That was a blessing and then I decided to find out how much my books for college would be and I only have one book and its only $137.75, that was exciting also! Then I had applied for another job on Saturday and they called me back today and want to do an interview tomorrow! I was just so excited!!!! Then I went to lunch with Todd today. It has been a very good day! Hopefully it will stay good when I go to work :) Here lately it always gets bad when I go to work. But that's ok, cuz I don't think you can make this day go bad!!!

Getting better all the time....

There is this song that says, "Its gettin better all the time." I have had that song in my head lately. After all this with Chris I decided that I couldn't take the lies anymore and did not want to live my life with that in my relationship. After a nice long talk with my adopted big sis, Shelly Paulk, I decided I couldn't live in that mess of a relationship. I had made up my mind I was just going to walk away and put it behind me, let the past be the past and go on with life. I wasn't going to answer his calls or text messages. I was doing good. I told Todd, a guy I met from Chris's flight, I was done and thanked him for telling me the truth. Well that was on Friday night and then on Saturday night he kept calling me and texting me. I told him not to call me back and please leave me alone. Well he didn't get the message. So to make a long story short I had several people tell him to leave me alone. I knew that if I talked to him or I saw him I would get weak and take him back and that was not what I wanted. He was borderline harassment that night and finally my dad called him and asked him to leave me alone or he would call his 1st Seargent. He has finally left me alone, I think.

I have done so much thinking through all this. I was very afraid that he might get stupid and come try to find me, I spent alot of time praying the past couple days, that God would keep me safe and keep him from doing anything stupid. I began to wonder how people live their entire lives without believing that there is a God. How can you go through what I have went through not only with Chris but with my arthritis and have no hope of anything. How do they live with cancer and death and all the things that life gives us without hope? That is how I get through, I have hope that my God will supply all my needs according to his riches in glory. So why should i even fear that Chris would do something I mean I have God, he wont let anything happen that isnt supposed to happen.

Well I now must say it has been a long road and it is not even close to being over, but I have hope that God will be with me the entire way, every step.

Total Brokenness

This past week has been so hard for me. I have not been able to focus on anything but Chris. As of today we have officially broken up. But we both agree that it is whats best for right now. We hope that in the future when we have both had time to grow up that we will get back together but for now we are friends and that is all. It has by far been one of the hardest things I have had to do. But I have faith that if this is the one that God has for me He will bring us back together. My prayer now is that God works in both our lives as we go one to live each day. That he will show us His plan for our lives and help us both to grow closer to him. So keep us both in your prayers. I know I have to remember that his plan is way better than mine, and it will be worth whateve he gives me.

Stronger For It

"Make me blind that I might see, make me weak that I may praise you from my knees, let me hunger, let me thirst until your word is all I need. For when I am weak, I am stronger for it"

These word have been in my mind for quite a while. I first heard this song at church. I began to cry. It is so true. I love this song. Right now in my life I am going through a very big trial of faith and trust and everything in between, it is like God is teaching me something but I cant quite grasp it. Last night Chris and i got in a big fight, we pretty much broke up, but not really ( if that makes sense) I am very confused about alot of things. My faith is always been average, but now I feel like I must not have strong enough faith. But I am so crushed and all I want to do is cry until I can not cry any more. It was only last night and I miss him already. Yes there are some issues that need to be fixed on his end and mine. I am willing to work on those, but I am not sure if he is. He was so angry last night. I was too, but after I was I just cried. I didn't sleep, and I haven't really eaten to speak of. A little here and there, but that's it. I want to make this work but I just don't think I can. Please I need your prayers as I am going through this hard time in my life. Where I am learning that I am weak and I need to trust God with my everything. Because when I am weak, I am stronger for it.

Well...lets see...

Its been a couple days since I wrote anything. But since then I have been doing alot. I have been helping my parents tear down the house. I also have been having some health issues... since the flood I have had some stomach problems and I had already went to the doctor and he could not find anything wrong so he gave me some medicine that he said should help. Well it hasnt. The past couple nights I have not been able to sleep very well. I will just wake up and toss and turn the whole night. Which is rather annoying after a long day! While I was at camp I fell and re injured my left knee. So it is swollen and I am having to wear my brace on it. So if ya'll could keep my in your prayers as well as my family, it would be so appreciated.

More demolition!

Today we took more walls down in the breakfast room. I was so scared that there would be a dead rat carcase in the wall!! I closed my eyes until dad said it was safe, but I knew he wanted to scare me! I told him to please don't! It was fun, I dropped a piece of wood on my foot and it hurts real bad. So I went back to work today after my week off, it was crazy as usual, we had to get all the back stock room organized and ready for our district manager's visit. They are getting very stressed there, but it dont really bother me. Well ok it kinda bothers me because they will sometimes take it out on you! But thats ok. Camp was incredible!! God taught me so much this past week and allowed me to meet some great people and make some lifelong friends (hopefully!) But now I am in a place in life where I need to make some more decisions which I just dont like very much. But God is good and He will help me.

FUN, FUN, FUN

So I got back yesterday from camp. I had so much fun. I met some new people and got closer with some of the people I already knew. My counselor was Jacqi ( bottom right) and I met Chelsea (top left) and Danielle (top right), Emily (bottom left) and I got alot closer and are real good friends now. All and all and was a very good week, I learned alot about myself and God taught me alot of things this week. I was very sad to say goodbye to my new friends and because it was last year to be able to go. But I will definitely keep in touch with those two awesome girls I met!!!

Fun Stuff

Well on Saturday I got to use all of dad's cool tools he has! I helped my dad put up some of the siding on our shed. He let me use the table saw and the nail gun! It was so much fun.

I'm leaving on a jetplane, dont know when I will be back again.......

Ok, well I am not exactly leaving on a jetplane and I do know when I will be back. I am going on a bus, I will be back on Saturday. I leave today for my last year of church camp. Its exciting and kinda sad. I cant go back as a camper because I will be to old. Its always hard for me to pack for long trips because I want to take like everything because you just never know whats going to happen. I could get real gross and want to change clothes or maybe someone might need an outfit, so like I said you just never know. But I tried to downsize, a little. I dont know how succesful I will be, guess we will see.

Funny quote

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen

I thought that this was funny!

A Blessing!

Money has been really tight for me the past couple days. After graduation I had all my graduation money and then my paychecks and my savings so I had alot of money when you added it all up. But then I would spend my paychecks and sometimes tap into my grad money for things. Well then I just began spending it without thinking about it. And my bank will not allow me to go below $200.00 at anytime in the month or they will charge me a fee. So it got t o where my hours kinda dropped and then the money quit coming in and all I had was my grad money so I spent that. Now I am struggling trying to keep the amount needed in my account so I told everyone that I had no more money to spend. Well I am going to church camp on Monday and I still need some things and money to take with me. I didn't know how I was going to do it.

Well last night at church i got stopped by one of the ladies that we know. she handed me a card and I said thank you. I opened it when I got home and I just couldn't believe it. There in front of me was $25.00. I just said thanks God! Today I got another card in the mail from someone else and I opened it and out fell a check for $20.00! I was so excited! I thought wow now I can get what I need for camp and still be able to take money with me!

It was such a blessing to see God provide my need when it was needed!

Exhuastion

This past week I have just been so tired all the time. I haven't been able to sleep through the night and I have been hurting alot lately, probably because of all the exercising I have been doing with the house work and all. I had to be at work at 6 in the morning the past couple of days which meant that I had not been able to sleep and then be up at 5 or 5:30 to get ready for work. But today I don't have to be there until 2 this afternoon which was really good. Chris brought me home from church last night and the first thing I did was go to my room and get ready for bed. I was sooo tired I went to sleep at 9:15 and slept solid till about 6:30 this morning. But I didn't get out of the bed till like 8:30. LOL, I just didn't want to get up. I like being in my bed. I feel much better now that I got some sleep. I will be more happy about actually doing things today. I also took my shot and when it kicks in I will be even more better!

Saying No

So people tell me all the time that I am just like my mom, well I don't always think I am but in alot of ways I actually am. we both have this habit of not being able to tell people no when they ask things of us. So mom keeps telling me that I need to learn to say no. But you see me biggest problem is that I hate to make people mad at me or just mad in general. So all of my life I have just let people walk all over me. But its so hard to tell people no, because I always want to help people and I enjoy spending my time and money on other people more than I do on myself. Mom says its my servants heart. But sometimes I do need to just say no. I am constantly learning that everyday. So keep me and my mom in your prayers as we learn this very difficult thing.

Other quotes

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me". Erma Bombeck

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. Albert Camus

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith. Henry Ward Beecher

Life is short....

"Life is a long lesson in humility" ~James M. Barrie

Isn't that true! You know we people think we got it all figured out. Well we don't. I am one of those people that plan everything out, cross my "t's" and dot my "i's". I plan almost everyday out to the time I go to bed at night. But here lately, I haven't had much luck with that. It seems like I plan my day then something happens like either I don't feel good that day or someone needs me to do something else, or a cat might need me to try to save it. But whatever it is it always shoots my plans down. But I am learning that its OK. Maybe God is trying to teach me something. What I am trying to say is that just when we think we got it all right we are humbled in some way, shape or another. That is God telling us that we should always be humble and not proud. "Pride cometh before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall"

Growing up

Yesterday I learned a very important lesson. I learned that growing up and taking responsibility for things is not all its cracked up to be. I was at work when they found this stray cat under a girls car, well it so happens that the girl was terrified of cats so she came into the building looking for help. My managers went out there to help her. They brought the kitten up to door of the store and just left him in the corner. They tried to call animal control but they wouldn't come on a Saturday evening. someone had come back to where I was and asked if I saw the cat. Now I was thinking a cat with a broken leg, how sad. I go out there and it is a little tiny kitten. i was in shock so I went in and asked Linda ( my manager) what she was going to do. She was going t o leave it there and die. Now Linda is not a mean person but she just couldn't take it home and there was nothing else that she thought she could do. Sandra (other manager) couldn't take it home either. So I sat out there with this poor kitten for a little bit and decided I was gonna take it to my house.

I knew that mom and dad would not be very happy but I just couldn't let it sit there and die I had to try to save it. I tried to call and tell them about the cat but they did not answer the phone so I went and found a box and put the cat in it and got in my car and went home. Dad was not very happy but he was OK. I began to explain how I found a cat and why I brought it home and she said that they would watch it and we would take it to the vet on Monday. Well they decided to call around and she text me and Chris while we were at work and told us they were going to take him in.

So mom tried to call me and tell me what was wrong and I could not answer the phone at that moment so I went to the bathroom and called her back and she began to tell me what was wrong. I didnt know what to do. I didnt have the money and neither did Chris. So I called him and bitting back my tears I asked him what to do. We talked about it for a while and we decided that we wanted to keep this kitten and that we would save it. We would pay my parents back over a period of time and still be able to have our new kitten. So he called mom and said to go ahead with the surgery to fix him. They left him at the vet. Gave them our phone numbers and came home.

Chris and I talked about how we were going to take care of him and get him to his appointments and all that kind of stuff. Then I went to bed and at one o'clock my phone rang. It was the vet. She told me that there was not a way to really help him and to keep him form suffering. I wanted to cry so hard. She said that the best thing to do was to put him to sleep. I hung up with her and called Chris and told him and we talked about it and I talked to mom and we decided that it was the best thing. So Midnight was put to sleep last night. I just layed in my bed and cried. I never knew that making decision was so hard to do.

I learned alot. I learned how to make decisions based on what Chris and I wanted not just me but as a couple. It was very hard to make that decision but it was the best thing for the cat. Chris named him Midnight. today we will bury him in the back yard. It wont be very easy but we will make it through.

Yuck!!!

Ever since the flood I have had some stomach problems, and so I finally was just so sick I went to the doctor yesterday. They couldn't find anything wrong with me but he did give me some medicine to clean out my intestinal tracts and he put me a diet (the B.R.A.T diet). Its not very appetizing but it is supposed to clean out my system and make me feel better. So we will see.....

Romantc evening...by myself

We went to the beach at night and it was so pretty, but I was all bymyself, my parents had each other and my aunt and I had each other!

Home!!!

The trip was tons of fun but toward the end I was getting very homesick. I wanted my own bed and of course, I missed Chris like you would not believe. We spent countless hours in the jeep, it felt like as soon as we got out, we were getting right back in the jeep (Wait, we did!!) Spending time away from the hectic life we are living was very nice, away from work and from the chaos of life. Of course it would have been better if Chris was with me. But I am home and he is here now and I am so excited :) He came home last night from going to Texas with a friend and as soon as he came home he came and picked me up. We went on a real dinner date. Superior Steakhouse, one of the most expensive restaurants in our little town and also one of the nicest. It was my first time to ever get dressed up to go eat dinner. It was so romantic with the candle on the table, the beautiful design of the restaurant and just being there with the man that I love! I must say my family and friends we impressed that went there to eat. It was just so nice to be alone with him after a whole week away.

Vacation!!!

I havent had a real vacation in a while and we have been having a blast! My brother got married yesterday in Asheville, North Carolina. We left on Tuesday and drove to Kentucky and Wednesday we drove to North Carolina and got our hotel. The Hotel was right next door to a MALL!!!!!!!!!!! SWEET!!!!!! Of course we went shopping and just hung out then we went to the pool and swam around a bit then we had to get ready for the wedding. Its been very nice to just hang out and wtch tv and just pretty much do nothing. Right now I am in Jacksonville,Florida right now at my grandparents house. We are picking up a truck that they are giving us and then tomorrow we are going to Ft. Walton, Florida to my moms family and the Beach! I am having fun but I really miss Chris. :( But I will be home on Sunday and get to see him! :)

What a blessing

This past weekend Chris had to unexpectedly go home to be with his family, and in doing so he used almost all the money he had. I knew that he would not get paid again for another two weeks. Which ment he would have no food and no gas. My parents knew this too. So mom and I went to the grocery store and bought him some food (we were also buying us food!) Then he called while he was gone and asked if I could buy him minutes for his phone. Of course I did, I really knew that I couldn't afford to do it but I knew that it was the right thing to do. Well then he came home and his car needed work. This is where I was so completely awed at my parents. He told me what it was doing so I told my dad (who is a genious at cars) what Chris told me. Dad knew what was wrong and how to go about and get it fixed. So we took it to Firestone and dropped it off. Chris told mom that if they couldnt do it for free not to worry about, then she told him that it was not going to be free and she knew how much it would cost. He then in turn replied "I dont have that kinda money" She smiled and said, " I DO"

Well the car had other things wrong with it that we didnt know and my parents just had it fixed. Not expecting him to do anything in return. It just amazes me that they would just do it without any hesitation. Then he asked how much it cost, and I told him not to worry about it that it was a gift. It was not only a sacrifice and also a blessing for my parents but also for me. I cant say why but God knows and I was willing and so were my parents. I thank God that I have a family that is so giving, even though we dont always get along but when it comes to helping people, they never hesitate. That is an awesome blessing!

YAY!!!!!

I am very excited right now!! Chris and I have been official for about three months now and he hasn't told his parents about me.....until this weekend!! I was so excited!! he wanted me to go down to Mississippi to meet them and that's when he was going to tell them, but he did it the weekend while he was down there. I was so happy, now I cant wait to meet them!

Fun Stuff!!!

Well its been kinda fun tearing apart the house. This past weekend we got the first check from the insurance...So the demolition has begun!!!!! Chris was going to come help but due to his mom being in the hospital and an unscheduled trip to Mississippi, Taylor came over and help tear apart my parents bedroom. We had a ton of fun and moments that just plain hurt. Like when I couldn't get the crown molding off the ceiling and Taylor told me to put more muscle into it, so I did, but I missed the crowbar and hit my finger. That really hurt. We found the windows that were walled over in the room, amazingly enough, they were not gross. In the process of rebuilding and redoing parts of the house we, well mom is making me, are cleaning out things and downsizing. I have found so many things that I had forgotten I had through the years, and through all of the mess and chaos, things that I have forgotten come back and sometimes I just laugh. This has been a learning experience for all of us and each day shows us something else!

A Disaster

Well all the water is gone and now is the time for the clean up. We didn't really lose any furniture or anything that was special. But......my car and my moms van got totalled. That was very hard to swallow. I was incredibly sad that my car was gone. I really liked my car, alot. We weren't really sad about the van because it was paid for, but when the adjuster said that my car was totalled I didn't believe him. I actually didn't want to believe him. But God is good and I know that he has a car for me and my mom out there just waiting on us. A better one than what we had. So until then, we will wait it out and see what he does.

Rain, Rain Go AWAY!!!!!

Well its been a long week. Last Tuesday it rained and rained and then.....FLOOODED!!!!! The entire house had at least three inches of standing water everywhere, all the vehicles were completely flooded on the inside. The back yard is a disaster, these pictures are just a few of thyem, I will be putting more up.

Congrats...It feels good!!!

Wow! This feels good.....I graduated from high school last Friday night. It felt just awesome! I was so excited...I cried alot (tears of joy) because it was just so amazing to finally finish. And to top it all off I didn't think that either one of my brothers would be there or I didn't think that Chris would make it because of work. Well Robert drove down from North Carolina and surprised me, Daniel drove in, and Chris was there! I was so excited that they were all there and that almost my entire family was there! And I went and so partied after the fact! It was so much fun. Today I got my new phone with all my graduation money I got. Which I am so excited about because my old one is so messed up. Well got to run I have a date tonight!!!

A week away!!!

Graduation is only a week away and I am so excited. I always thought that i would be really happy to leave the school, I am really but I am also really sad because I have had so may good memories, that go along with the bad, there. The last five years of my life were spent there growing up and making memories with all the people I am graduating with (all 6). I am ready to move on with the next chapter of my life, go to college, maybe get married ( ok, so yeah no maybes, get married) and have a family. That excites me to no end!! Almost my whole family is coming in to see me graduate and some people from my work are coming. That is so awesome to me that they are all coming to see me!! The only bad news is I am not sure if Chris can make it because of his work schedule. But he is trying really hard to be able to come. I cried when he told me he may not be able to make it that night. This night means the world to me and I want all the most important people there to celebrate it with me.

First Place!!

Scholar's Fair is pretty much over but we did awards today and that came as a shock to me! I entered the poem that I wrote ( the edited version of it) and it won first place!!! That really shocked me because my poetry has never won anything before. Out of the poems that I have written in my life so far that one was my favorite. I also was put on a quiz bowl team because Bo (another senior) wasn't back to school in time to compete. They walked up to me and gave me the questions as I was walking in the room for the quiz bowl to just watch and had to cram all those answers in my little brain, and pray I could remember them. Well I did, and we actually won first place!! I was very impressed with the team and myself. It was alot of fun.

"Wrap Group"

On Monday my mom said that I should get a group together and do a drama for chapel on Wednesday. So I said sure, why not? So we went and found this really funny skit about bubble-wrap. I got some friends together and we did it in chapel today, and oh my word it was hilarious. Of course we couldn't remember all the lines but it was very funny because we just kinda made some of it up as we went. It was about a support group for recovering bubble-wrap poppers. It started out like they wanted to get help but in the end they all pull out their bubble-wrap and run off the stage popping it. It was very funny. I was very proud of them all, they did such a good job.

Over it...

When I was younger I would sing in church and for other competitions and I had a very bad case of stage fright. But now that I am older and have done it a bit more than I did back then I am so over it. I still get a little nervous but its not like serious stage fright. I sang today for our scholars fair competition and was not really "scared" to say the least. It did help that Chris was there to watch me sing. Needless to say it was a good experience for me. I also played the piano today but that was not such a hot feeling...I butchered that one real bad, but that's OK because I know I was a little nervous like always ( haven't gotten over that fear yet!)

Parents

So I love my parents to death! And tonight Chris called me and asked to talk to my mom...he asked her if they could come get me to go eat dinner. She said yes, which surprised me, cuz I really thought she would say no. But anyway they came and picked me up, well Chris's dad called him. Which I have never seen him talk to his dad before. It was so sweet...his dad is in the Navy and was asking him about work and stuff like that. But when his dad asked what he was doing.. he said he was at a friends house, which I corrected him on (Then he told his dad that he was at his girlfriends house) He laughed at me because I looked at him and said, "A Friends house?" when he was about to hang up, his dad said, " Love you." Then Chris quickly responded, "Love you too." I looked at him and smiled, it was so sweet to me. He thought I was weird but thats ok (he still likes me!) I am glad that I have the parents I do and I am glad that Chris talks to his.

What A Week!!

I had an exciting week but after this week, I am so incredibly pooped. I did alot of running back and forth from my house to the base almost every day this past week. I had fun but not a whole lot of sleep. I was also followed around the base by some of Chris and Taylors friends that I guess were mad at Taylor ( who knows) but needless to say they didn't follow us after Chris found out about it. And, I busted the front of my cellular device this week and it looks pretty bad I might say..i must now save my money to get a new one. But that's alright I wanted a new one anyway I just now have a reason to get one!! Oh and I finally passed an economics test this week!!! WOO HOO!!!! That was very exciting for me!!

One down....

WooHooo!!!!! I finished Algebra 2 today!!!! I was so ecstatic.. I was jumping up and down when I finished that last test. It made me so happy. And on top of that, I went out on a real date with Chris tonight. We went to the mall and dinner and then picked up Taylor and Chip went and watched a movie then went bowling. It was my night to celebrate. Of course I must go back to work tomorrow if I am to actually finish everything.

Happiness

Here we are.... Chris and I. This is down by the Red River. Its so pretty down there. We don't match in this picture ( cuz I didnt tell him he was taking one ...LOL) Oops!! My Bad!! Oh well it turned out good anyway... I think we are kinda cute together.. but maybe that's just my opinion. I am happy and I think that's all that counts :)

Still A Kid

I just got my senior pictures back today. We went down by the riverfront to take them, and of course there is water. I am personally a big fan of water; love it, always have. So I played in it just like I did when I was still a kid. I have come to find that even though I am 18, I still like to do some kid things every now and then. It relievs stress when you get to play around a little. Anyway, it was a blast, I love going and playing in the water.

Struggling.......

Wow! I found out tonight that my boyfriend will be leaving for Iraq ( or somewhere overseas) in just a few short weeks. He told me and when I got off the phone, I just sat and cried. I knew that the day would come when he told me that but I was hoping it would be alot later than sooner. I don't know how I am going to handle it, But this I do know that God is good and he wont give me anything I can't handle. So I am going to trust that He will give me the strength that I need. And aways be in prayer for the both of us. I know I will be always praying.

Even A Soldier Cries

There he stands without a sound
He serves his country with pride
Strong as a rock
Tough as a nail
He looks in the mirror, fixes his beret
Hugs his wife, and walks away
To the Sandbox he must go
And the world doesn't know
How he crys in the night
Sitting in the sand
Of that deserted land
Hidden from the world
Is his pain
Even a soldier cries
Everything is alright
We will be OK
I miss you more each day
Words he hears from the one he loves
Tears stream down from his face
Yes, Even a soldier cries
They fight for you and I
The give their lives
Freedom comes when a soldier cries
For his home he sees
The blessed U.S.A
The tear of a soldier
For the love of his country
Yes, Even a soldier cries

~~Katherine Ward

I cant help but to smile!!!

So lets see, remember how I talked to my dad and he said Chris had to talk to him again. Well he did, and now he and I are officially dating, which excites me to no end!!!! I think its going to be a really good thing!!!!! He is so good to me, and I try to be good to him. Sometimes though its hard but there is no easy relationship. But I am very excited about the whole thing.

Congrats to Me!!!

Yesterday I finished the bulk of my physics!!!! I was so excited. All I have left to do is finish one more paper and I am completely done with physics. So now I am down to 9 more paces till I graduate!!! YAY ME!!!!!

Letters From Home

I went to go see Chris today before he went to work, he had to work nights today, and when I got to his room to see if he wanted to go drive around he had his ipod playing. He put on the song, Letters From Home. I sat down and began to tear up. I told him that song makes me cry. I was thinking of how I knew he was going to be going overseas and that would be him holding up those letters from home. The mere idea of him leaving still gets to me. I should already be used to it, and I still have time to prepare myself for the day that he does leave. But the fact of the matter is that I don't want him to go over there, its dangerous and people die everyday over there. That makes me want to cry. So as I was holding my face, he sat next to me and held me and said that it would be alright, and he would come home.

Prayer

So I had a God moment this weekend too. I have been having struggles with giving everything to God and trusting that he will take care of everything. And I have been having some issues with that lately, So I was sitting outside my grandmas house praying and just in tears. And I as sat there praying Chris was in the room that I stay in watching tv and he turned it on and it was on some channel, which I dont know which one, and as I sat there crying, "Jesus Take The Wheel" by Carrie Underwood started playing and I just cried more. I thought Wow! What good timing.

What a weekend

Oh my goodness!!! The concert was so awesome!!!! I had a blast, my mom and I were jamin to Toby Mac. It was just so good. And I had a good time at my grandma's house, she makes such good food. I am thinking bout going up there for a week in the summer. It was just fun to get to spend Easter with my family in Dallas. Oh by the way... HAPPY EASTER!!!!

Excitement overwhelmes me!

I am just so excited lately! Tomorrow I am going to get my Easter Dress and on Friday we are going to Dallas to go to Six Flags!!! Thats so exciting to me

Holy Crap!!

So its been one of those days where you just think everything is crazy. So it was the last day of our Stanford testing today and that was the last time I have to take it! YEAH!! But anyway, so the weather has been bad all day, it was real nice but then it got real nasty real fast. the wind picked up and then the rain came..... so the power at work kept going off (a grand total of 7 times) and each time it went out we had to get the people pout of the store. Let me tell you that got real old real fast. We wanted to close the store early but the manager wouldn't let us. Which was just totally crazy. We managed to get the store back up and running each time though. then I was walking around cleaning up, and I look out the window and I see a red mustang. I think to myself "that looks like Chris's mustang" then I looked again, "Holy Crap!, it is Chris" He circled the parking lot until I got off work. So I talked to them for a bit and he let me sit in the driver seat and start it! Thats pretty sweet. I was very happy that he came to see me. It always make me smile when he does sweet things like just show up wherever I happen to be, just to see me!! Well its late and I am tired. I will write again later!!

Life is Good-Day 2

Well life is still very good. Chris finally got his car.. And oh my freakin goodness!!! its nice... its a 2000 convertable Red Mustang. It is fully laoded with a sound system and a bunch of cool stuff. That sad part is, his car is nicer than mine, and I am paying more for mine than he is paying for his. Mine is a 2002 Orange Ford Focus with a sound system, but his is nicer. I know, I admited it, but its true!!! Although last night I decided that when he leaves to go to Iraq, I am going to be an emotional basketcase!! Because he went to get his car and had to drive it back from Leisville. and I didnt know where he was, and was very worried. But I finally got ahold of one of his friends and found that he was ok. When he came to my house when he got back, believe me he got a piece of my mind cuz I was so worried about him!! About the car, I will have to take a picture of it and put it up. Its SO SWEET!!! I want it!!

Graduation!!

In 7 weeks or so, I will finally be finished with school, at least high school that is. Its very exciting, and my parents told me I can finally date again when I am finished so that aslo very exciting. And I can get my ears pierced with my second whole after I finish..... Needless to say, I am very excited about graduation, not just because of all the things I can do when I finish but the fact that I have waited a long time to finally say I am done with high school and move on to college, which I hear is alot of fun.

Life is good

Well... its been a while I know but its been going really good lately for me. I am almost done with school, which is awesome! About a month and a half ago my parents met this guy at the base commissary while shopping and took him back to his room, he is in the Air Force, and invited him over for dinner. So the next day he comes over for lunch after church, we meet, and have been talking ever since. So far we are just friends. We are getting to know each other better. Well actually I don't want to date until after I graduate, which dad said was OK. New incentive to finish school!!!!! I got my braces off the other day which is very exciting for me, they look so good!!! But back to the guy, he is 18, only four months older than me. He is an Airman 1st class in the U.S.A.F. and really cute!!! Oh his name is Chris Farrar. I don't know whats gonna happen, I know what I want to happen but only God knows. I am just waiting on him to see what He does. But until then I am gonna get to know him better and be good friends.

Four more months of High School!!

Wow!! I am SO Excited about graduation, today I finished another subject and finished applying at Centenary, which is the college I really want to get into. I am so close I can feel it.....the excitement is really getting to me. And I am getting ready to sew my dress for homecoming, and no,...still no date, but working on it. But the excitement of running for Queen is really getting to me as well. I just am very excited right now. but i really need to go, got lots to do....

Lets See......

Well I submitted part of my college application tonight, I am kinda nervous about it though. I really want to get into this college. But I still have an essay to write for it though... I also have homecoming in a week and a half, no date, no dress, no shoes....BIG PROBLEM!! But I have faith, faith that I will get a date, finish my dress, and get some shoes...and hopefully win homecoming queen. so like I said...We will see....

Just Another Manic Monday!!!

You know that song that says..."Its Just another Manic Monday..." Well today was my manic monday. I was supposed to be at work this morning at six in the morning. So i got myself up at 5:30 this morning and put myself together, and was there at 5:50. I walked to the door and rang the doorbell, I know a doorbell at a Department Store, but I rang and no one answered. I waited at the door for a couple minutes the waited in my car for another half hour, after that I decided to go home. So when I get home I decided to call, and it just figures that they were there. So I had to get back in my car and go back to work. I was already aggrivated and to top it off... I spilt water on my pants, and it looked like I wet myself so I had to put my jacket around my waist because I was not gonna walk around with a wet butt!! So that was my day, just not very good, I also have a hurt foot so that was on all top of that. So what a day it was and now the day is over, and I am now gonna relax and chill.